{M}ichelle

I have hardly any words cause I'm tired

but I am still here :)  Firstly thank you to everyone who sent me out an email.    Still a couple of more emails to reply back to so sorry I havent done that yet but again thank you for your kind words :)

Scrapbooking well have managed to get a couple of pages done but ant post them as they are heading outwards...   was really tired and initially didnt want to do much but the process was theraputic and in the end found that my mojo had not left me but instead was kicking back so thats good news given my recent news for a DT!!

But some more photos anyway cause been busy with a couple of families who also attended Keely & Ryan tangi (funeral for my OE readers).   Strange but I had people come up to me and say oh I love that photo you took of her I must catch up with you and get some photos of my family because we dont know how precious they are to us...

get that on occassion, not necessarily at a funeral but was like ok... hello next day got three phone calls to do it while family members were still in NZ and also some from an event a couple weeks back at the marae.... so got those done and have a back log of proofing to do.... oh man......

Oh yeah have done my business card.. its not quiet where I want it but thats ok...  plus want to take a crash course in doing a website and I'm pretty sure if I knew how to do it I would make a funky one but time isnt quiet with me right now... note to self change the cell phone number!

 

getting excited to with camp coming up and hanging with everyone again.  Got a heap of layouts I would like to get thru!  Need to complete at least 6 and I'm pretty sure I can make that happen......  ok have to get up early going to Hamilton tomorrow so better get some shut eye :)

Friday

umm not going so well but decided given recent events not doing to bad either!!  Scrapbooking well what is that???  I have no idea as I havent done any in a couple of weeks really and that is sad, especially since I have been asked to be a part of another DT called................  but cant tell till later............. 

but have been doing photos shoots and did this one the day night with the mama

 

and this one last night with bubba.... ps hospital lighting at night suxs.....

So thats been cool and have a lot of photos to get through.....  its my sons 10th birthday party tonight.  even though his birthday was last week cause of my mums 60th we did have to delay it but i did do his invitations in PS and he was pretty stoked to send them to his mates at school.  i ended up printed them on my epson picture mate and emailing them to the parents and its worked out well!  The circle stamp if from RF and purchased through 2peas and the rule on the bottom edge is another stamp from Kelly Mize called modern measures... love um!

So tomorrow I will be away all day at funeral days... we have 4 tangi in Maketu (this is a samll beach community) the two teenagers in the train accident, the bubba that was in the news who died falling of a digger (whose mum was a best friend of Keely) and one of the koro here who had cancer..........

Wednesday arrives and I am granted perspective

its 5.30pm on a Tuesday night and I am tired.  The days long and working whilst hasnt been "hard" its just been busy.  I'm not looking forward to getting home and have the kids jump all over me and hear the little ones (4 and 2) fighting.   Then theres dinner to be cooked, taking the older boys to sports, bath the kids and then tidy things up before I leave to go to a photo shoot for which I am grateful for just to get out of the house and do something creative and not work related............

Pass one accident, oh man, pass a second accident and cite the fact that it looks bad really bad.  Its a crossing that is notorious.  A place where lives are lost when the sounds of train bells and red lights flash loudly and given its dark the lights glare from a distance.  I ring all my family as its a crossing where we cross at least five times a day at about 5.  Everyones ok....... breath

So I'm at the hospital and the mama who I am doing the photo shoot looking sore but in good spirits.  Babys fine but mamas got a few things going on so may be induced at 37 weeks and again mama is in good spirits because baby is strong and healthy.   The medical picture changes though if mama is made to laugh... I have to leave........ having a photographer make you smile isnt quiet what the midwife ordered.  So not able to take any shots but thats ok, we'll ty again tomorrow arvo. 

I talk to her about photographing the birth.  Umm she says not sure about "that".    I provide her with a little more assurance....  Its ok I wasnt thinking about taking photos of that and instead tell her this..... about this moment...........

its that moment, when you head is spinning and the pain is immesureable and the room becomes crowded.  The pain is sitting in your lower back and no matter what movement or position you make there is no place that your body finds rest.  Your hot and nauseated and voices are so mumbled that you can make no sense of what is going on.  Your chin rests into your chest and rises and falls with each breathe you take in trying to draw on what little strength you have.  Your brow is furrowed, eyes closed and you turn your head to one side.  And for a moment clarifty returns and the face beside you becomes clear and a voice whsipers into your heart, its ok honey you can do this, i love you....... and you feel there hand in yours and in the intimacy of the moment your heads press together as to draw the strength you need to get through this.

"click"

Those are the moments I tell her I try to capture....... not random shots of birth but the moments where as a women and as a family a moment is defined...  I sinking, I havent had any maori families agree to this so far and really want one.... bugga but it was worth a try...   she shifts in her bed.    "ok" she says........  her mother sitting beside her smiles and replies "ae, pai tou mahi"  (yes, your work/ words to my daughter were good).   I make some sort of comment... she laughs.... ow dont do that!!  mIDWIFE MIGHT NOT LET ME BACK AT ALL

 walking thru the corridoors of the maternity suite I remember a part of me that I had foRgotten, i see myself as a young girl waddling through the halls and smile... kinda like a cold case moment :(..... and am glad to be here and glad also that I am not on my back!!

I leave feeling elated.  It feels like a small break through and the awaiting nanna and i go to mcdonalds and joke.   The drive home goes by quickly as I think though the shoot andthinking about the whanau.   Get home about 11 and am told that the accident killed a young sister and brother known that we know well...  he tells me who it is and I'm thrown.. its a young girl that i worked alot with and saw a lot of and who is/ was a bright, outgoing, loved life, cars, parties  and despite those "rough" teenage years that we all go through had "heart"............  I'm gonna miss you Keely girl, you sucked at netball but man could you play rugby..... 

then I think of her mum... her children now gone every parents nightmare..... i remember how my grandmother started to become weaker when her children died and yet she was 88 and they were in the 50s and 60s... given I lived with her I could see her eyes dim with each year when she lost 3 adult children in 18 months and then share she would share with me what it was like to lose 4 babies aged between 3 and 6 months when she was first married....  i didnt get it then as I had none of my own... but i get it now

see the evening started with me frustrated with my children and now life has perspective........ its granted to us every so often through the lifes of others and when it comes i stop, literally in my track if only but a moment to remember all that I have to be grateful for....................

so today,  Wednesday and I am attending a funeral and possibly a birth.................

Its cough cough Tuesday

I dont have a lot of time as I have to attend yet another meeting but as an update some major work changes...

I am changing offices and will be based from home......... cool............ new roles and responsibilities................. no title but thats ok cause its not a major at this stage but will be different as I'm in my 7th month of my new job and only in the last month have I felt confident in my current position as a primary health care manager..............................  closer to home....... cool.... if you live in Rotorua Owhata Surgery is great :)

Ok better skidadille (ummm not sure how you spell that)............ will update soon off to update the staff.................

Saturday.... sort of... ok not really

yes I missed a night damn it... am sick right now and neither this nor this is helping me right now and I'd like to know why not. DH says no wondering your sick running round in the cold, go shopping, hanging out the washing and things. Hello get up off your backside then and help me. When I asked hin to get the towels he did say yes so back in the good books for now..... probably change soon!!

Wanna try someting digi then go here ck has amped up its site and my fav lady Jessica Sprague has a big presence there with a free digi kit (down the page a bit) and this lad is one of my fav as well. Love her pages!! Kristina Contes. Check out Jessica Claire blog as well (photographer extraodinaire) as she features some pretty hot looking guys modelling her new camerabags called shootsacs. I dont go here often but still tinks its a great site for those pub calls. Basic Grey yoummy yummy yummy and the scenic route blog I love to visit

Ok tomorrow (code for todays post) I will try and think of something more intersting to come up with than where I spend most of my blogging time visiting :)

Friday.....Happy Birthday Mum!!

yip was my mums 60th birthday and we celebrated it here tonight.  My boys were fanatastic and I was fortunate enough to get a glimspe of the young men I pray they turn out to be!!

Pretty cool also was I found out that I was the pic for this the challenge at No 8 Wired multi picture page so thanks guys :) Really enjoyed doing this challenge and check out the latest one..

Andrea also at SBO has a cool idea so check that out here Sharons cool book has arrived and it looks awesome so gotta try that. Emily Falconbridge is making this way cool camera straps that I think I'm just gonna have to buy (like everything else in this world and cant wait for the June 11th for ELSIE range to be shipped from SBO... so heres more on that by elsie crew

ok have to go to bed have got work this weekend so that sound be lots of fun :) actually looking forward to it and one day just maybe one day I will even be scrapbooking again.........sigh that there is so much going on

Dedicate to this

and how do I know cause I have just arrived home and feeling a little tipsy, ok so maybe not a little more like a lot but have just been out with my boss and a work mate and I guess its a result of a long couple of weeks.

Funnily enough we talked about utter crap but was great to be able to talk about trival things for a change :)

ok off to bed, have a feeling once I hit that pillow it will be a lights out kinda thing.  Havent even made my mum birthday card yet either which is a bit sad given its tomorrow and havent wrapped her present either so will definantly be up a 5.30am to do that....  but as my sister just told me thats pretty sad for a "scrapbooker!"

A couple more photos from a shoot from last weekend

6 June 1997

PS this is another long post and one that I have just copied and pasted from a 2006 entry......... 

So today is my oldest boys birthday and he's like 10.  Couple of things that freak me out about this are

a) that means I'm 10 years older than when I had him (and yes maths is my fortay now you mention it)

b) he has always been well groomed but now its takes like 20mins in the morning and he wakes at 6am to enjoy that luxury otherwise I yell alot in the monring at him (sigh)

c) he asked a girl to the disco and she said yes last week.  The girl was 12 "looked" like 14..... arrrghhh....

d) he locks the bathroom door now.... i might add he only just turned 10 today....   this is him... my beautiful talented confident son, Rangitautini Nathan Williams

June 1997 (okay this is my first child and I'm 22. Yeah made it past my 21st!!) ** Personal note. I really wanted to go over this and change the language but it was written by a 22 girl so thought I'd better leave it... ........**  apologies in advance for all the gramatically errors too

Given that it was winter, the sun was out. I'd been really tired but wanted to clean up. I'd read all the literature given you were our first and accordingly this was referred to as nesting. The midwife Jenny had been in earlier and things were looking great and she had said to me, your baby will be here in three days. So this was the second day and I'm exhausted but healthy.
Headed over to Tauranga. Your dad had just arrived home from uni so picked him up from the bus stop. Your dad in a good mood and its nice having him home. So back to the orchard where its quiet. Nana and papa are busy... its kiwifruit season so there not a lot of words in the house just the occasional grunt, but the fires blazing so we kick back..
Its been a while since dad home so being a guy he wants to say hello. But I'm uncomfortable and its not happening... not at all... its late and I'm tired. So second best option we kick back in the lounge next to the fire. I'm feeling some twinges.... I'm sitting on the ground with dad on the chair .... We check the clock.... Are these contractions neither of us are sure but we are excited.. this could be it, you who we have waited so long for. So being the first time parents that we are we pull out the note book and start physically recorded the time of the contraction the end of the contraction and the length. First time parents maybe we all do it the same but I'm scared now the reality has kicked in and though I don't know what perfect looks, it's what I want.
It's getting later and the intensity kicking in so we call the midwife with the times. She says wait until there about five six minutes and then call her and come in. Its nerve racking, time and contraction are contradictions. It hurts but don't come in till it hurts so more. I hear the door open, nans come home, I go to tell her but she's just done a double shift in the pack house and looks grumpy and tired. But your dad gives me a nudge so I knock on the door... "What" - yip nans tired "Ummm, I think I'm having my contractions' - I smile and grit my teeth... "ohh... ok...' - change in tone to a softness that I need "let me finish my bath' We call the midwife again, no your ok just have a sleep Didn't happen, could sleep my mind was running a mile a minute, called aunty lah in Waikato. She's spewing, she stuck with no car and she so want s to be here. She blames nan.
Ready to leave, the pains kicked in and I'm not sure I can do this, but I've been praying during my pregnancy for an easy birth and a healthy child so heres hoping I can cope. I grab my pack that I packed two months in advance just in case and take a final glance at the room, theres the bassinet with the net drape, the port a cot, the nappy holder and the Winnie the pooh pictures that I've collected over the last six months all in preparation for you.

We decide not to ring my nan. It's late and as a general rule first time births take, on average about 16 hours (again I'd read all the literature) so maybe in the morning, so she doesn't fret. Nana and papa come over in the truck and we tell Nana Kath and Koko on the way over.
The hospital is so quiet and I try listen to hear the screams of women giving birth. But I'm not going to be like that, only päkehä scream my nan reckons. But I hear nothing but the footsteps of the nurses and whispers of awaiting dads. We ring nana Margaret and she growls your dad, its too early ring me later when it's closer to the time.
I'm so nervous, your dads holding one hand, reassuring me were ok, and we get in the ugly hospital jimmies, because I don't want to get me clothes dirty.... I'm allowed into the bath to help soothe the pain (that's what the literature said) but it doesn't help cause it took so long to fill that my contractions started to advance anyway.

So now we're in the dim lit room and I'm pacing and trying to get comfortable but nothing is helping. Dad and papa are trying to help me get the pain of my back so I'm trying to suspend my light self by hanging off them, nana Kath gives me a mirimiri, nan holds my hand, man its intense... cant get comfortable it hurts to much .........
I want to push, you sure... yip I want to push... man I want to push.... So the midwife breaks my water to help me along.... Man I really want to push now.................the pain is insane and papa is wiping my head with a flannel... and its all a bit much..........the pain.............. 3 minutes later from having my water broken....... The head crowns and the body follows all at once.............. the elation the relief............ the midwife nearly drops you..... you... all I can hear is sobbing....... In a towel your dad bring you to me and whispers ..its a boy...............my son...a beautiful baby boy........... our son...I cry for that which is and that which wasn't.......... a boy... I always wanted a son first.......... It's a boy nan..............my son............. Born 6:07am 6 June 7pd 14oz Dec 2004

Tuesday

Just a quick post cause I said I would do this everyday so I am!!   Work has been pretty rough at the moment but hoping that I can just get in there and support people.

On a day to day basis here are some of the blogs that I visit
Shirls check her out here
Tarisota is going digitial check her here
This is pretty cool and if you love pencils like I do (as in colouring pencils) then this is the bees knees
I hang out here a lot and I mean a lot
and thats about it really!!

But of course photos to share

and my fav using a urban grunge action.............

Monday Monday

blah blah blah... sorry didnt know the rest of the words to that song......

Well I think have loved having today off.  Just a bit more energy gained to take on the rest of the week.  Actually works out quiet well for me cause I am having Friday off for my mums 60th Birthday.  Going out for a bit of a pampering that day so looking forward to that!

Only one layout to share and its actually one I did a little while ago with Delys and the crew in the Whakatane crops that we have.  The little swirly design thing looked like an "H" so used it for my sister's name and worked out pretty sweet.

So some other stuff and places I've been visiting... 

Here for Zina Wright new room
and check here for a cool online vid tutorial on how to make a multi layout photo page (have to scroll down a bit)
I didnt know that Cathy Z had her blog back up
Cool new actions blog from Kylie Banks
and scrapcamp not to far away so looking forward to participating in that one (note to self take your photos Michelle)

So today was a nice quiet one with catching up with Yolande and my work mate and now looking forward to children sleeping!!